To Love a Child

This is from a card I bought, about 3 or 4 years ago. It's a poem that I think is simple and lovely. I put it on the bulletin board near my computer desk. It was covered (cluttered board) but it's back in view again. It is something I want to remember to read daily. My kids are 11 and 10 right now. I know they are growing up but I still want to create special moments with each of them.

To Love a Child

Encourage Silly
Say Yes as often as possible
Realize how important it is to be a child
Read books out loud with joy
Teach feelings
Make forts with blanket
Giggle a lot
Remember how really small they are
Search out the positive
Answer more questions
Handle with caring
Be there

CHILDREN ARE MIRACULOUS

By Lorraine Ortner-Blake - Artist

2009 coming to a close

Wow, I haven't posted for a LONG time. I could list my reasons but that would probably be too long. I actually lost my log in info for this blog. HA HA. Seriously, I had to dig through old journals/notebooks and then had to reset the password. I really do annoy myself sometimes.


Anyway, I don't celebrate Christmas, but to those who do, Merry Christmas. Hope you didn't let all the stresses of the holiday overwhelm you.

My ex came and picked up the kids last night. As usual it was a scene. Currently, his driving privileges are suspended within the state we live. But, he's slick and was able to get an out-of-state license. Anyway, the cops came to my home last night shortly after he arrived to pick up the kids. He called them because I asked him how he was going to get the kids from my place to his. He lied to them, tried to say I was harassing him. (Load of crap!) But, luckily the cops didn't believe his BS. They said I had a right to be concerned and ask the question of how he was going to transport the children. He lied to them and said he was going to ride the bus. (Note: from where I live to where he lives is, at minimum, 2 hour bus ride.) I knew he had his car parked somewhere nearby.


My question is this: WHEN WILL HE BE HELD FIRMLY ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS LIES, MANIPULATION AND BS?


I am so very tired of the same crap from him. I have no more energy to waste on his ridiculous BS. I do not want to even have to deal with him. I truly wish he would grow up and out of his immature behavior.


So, we are at the cusp of 2010, what do I want in this coming new year?
1. I don't want to waste any more of my life dealing with my ex's BS behavior
2. I want my overall healthy and well being to improve.
3. I want to heal.
4. I want my children to heal.
5. I want a steady stream of reliable income as a result of my hard work, effort, dedication and creativity.
6. I want to learn to verbally express myself without letting my emotions overwhelm me.
7. I want to learn how to pick my battles.
8. I want to create better, healthy friendships.
9. I want to be able to communicate in a calmer, less demanding way with my children.
10. I want my children to be happy, and feel loved, secure and be treated in a good way during their visits with their father.

What is parenthood? What is parenting under the facade of "shared custody"?

Of course the answer to this question is subjective. Every person will provide a unique response based the their own ideology, religion, spirituality, background, etc.
Being a parent is not easy, being a parent who has to share custody with another person who is not in sync with you when it comes to parenting is extremely difficult. My daughter (my youngest) is going to be 9 soon, which means (technically) 9 more years of dealing with their father. He is an irresponsible, selfish, conniving, manipulative person who tries to belittle me at every turn. I'm fed up with the BS, I really am. I can be a real b*%@# sometimes and today I fired back with a cutting response to his derogatory comments. The rational part of me knew that I was only lowering myself to his level but sometimes I just get completely fed up with his crap.
He and I got into it today because when I called to speak to my son (just turned 10) he told me that he was playing outside. I said he better be watching him (my ex does not live in the best of neighborhoods). He snapped back that I didn't need to presume anything, well, obviously I gathered from his statement that he was inside while my son was outside.
There are some realities of parenthood that everyone must face and deal with appropriately irregardless of class, income, "race," neighborhood. We live in a world where children are seen as prey by certain sick, unhealthy individuals. And the reality is children have to be supervised in their activities, even when they are 10 or 11. We don't live in a world where you can just tell your kids to go play outside and expect everything to be "peachy." Maybe if you have a huge yard and a couple of well-trained German Shepherds, maybe then, yeah. But most families don't have that luxury.
And I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. Because I really am an optimistic, enthusiastic person but I would rather be safe than sorry when it comes to my children's safety and well being.

Went to see movie: Wall E, very cute, recommend

I took my 8 year old daughter to see Wall E this evening. It was adorable, cute, and laugh-out-loud funny. Even though it's technically a kid's movie it touches on adult issues: the environment, consumerism and health. Of course, since this was the first day the theater was packed. We still got good seats though but why do theaters over-do the air conditioning? Don't want to spoil it for anyone so I won't give that many details but Wall E is a sweetie. You know they're going to make Wall E stuffed dolls and I'll have to get one for my daughter. Maybe myself too. If only men could be as sweet, loving and romantic as Wall E. (sigh)
(cheesy, I know, shows you how long it's been since I've had any romance) That's a whole another post that I don't think I'll even touch.

frustrated

The bad thing about having an ex and having to share custody is that when the kids are with him they have no routine, their activities are not as important to him as his own personal needs. I won't go into detail but he's a 34 year old man with a stunted mentality and I'm really tired of dealing with his selfishness. For example, today my son had soccer practice and the selfish #&*@ did not take him. Too much of a "burden" he said with gas prices. EXCUSE ME! UGHHHHHHH! Yes, we all know gas prices are high but I took him to practice (2x/week plus Sat. games) during the school year and I didn't make LAME excuses.

I want my children to have access to all the opportunities available to them. I want them to have the opportunities to develop their talents and strengths. Everyone wants the best for their children, but that only happens with consistent effort. I wish he would just get it. It's not that difficult of a concept.

My 10 year old son's favorite sport is soccer. He is good at it, perseveres and enjoys playing.

He better take him to practice next week!!!

Hi to all!

So this is my very own blog. Hmmm . . . what to say. Well, I'm a full time mom to two wonderful, intelligent, creative, active, energetic, beautiful children. The list of lovely adjectives could go on 'cause, well, I'm their mother. But, really they amaze me sometimes. I learn a lot from them and they're only 8 and 10. But, now that they're getting older and becoming more individual sometimes they can get on my last nerve (both are strong-willed), and that's when I have to give myself a "timeout." All you parents out there know what I mean. See, with 4 of my 5 personal planets in the fire element, well I can have a temper. (That's "astrologyspeak" for all of you non-students of astrology.) All you other fire dominant signs know what I'm talkin' bout.

I'm also a college student, you know, the "non-traditional" kind: returned to school after having my children and getting some "life experience." I don't like the slant of my life experiences during the past 7 years. The majority of it was difficult, heart wrenching at times. But, I did learn from it, still learning from it. Reeling, no, I won't use that word. (ha ha) Child custody battles negatively impact the children in heartbreaking ways and tear you apart. Why people engage in long, drawn out custody battles is absurd, selfish, cruel, wrong and insane. I was not the initiator of the battle, my ex and his mother were. (That's another can of worms I won't open right now, maybe shouldn't at all in this forum, suffice to say mother-in-laws and/or father-in-laws need to let the two parents work it out instead of trying to stir it up and make it more difficult. And I'm being extremely gentle in my language and attitude). The majority of the judges we dealt with were callous SOB's! Why sit on the bench if they don't give a damn about the individuals they are impacting? (deep breath)

In sum, the past 7 years forced me to take a hard look at myself, the direction of my life and the goals I have for my children and myself. Everyone who's gone through a child custody battle knows what I'm talking about. You have no choice but to change and adapt. One of the songs I love to sing along to is Alicia Keys' "Superwoman." (Love that song. I dedicate to all single moms out there. Granted I only like about 5 of the songs on the CD, it's still good.) Sorry, went off on a tangent.

Well, I'll post more later. Want to browse around blogger.com and check out my neighbors, you know steal some of their good ideas. (wink, wink)